


When is a Hammock Not a Hammock?

by usssamwell



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Embarrassment, Just a little ficlet, Other, and doesn't hire a handyman, and rushed, because i am self indulgent, because jack is a doof, because well, but fundamentally very lazy, diy probably done really bad, nothing explicit happens but a sex swing is mentioned, thats whose gonna be using the "hammock", zimbits is implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 14:37:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15665187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usssamwell/pseuds/usssamwell
Summary: Jack calls his dad for some DIY help. When Bob gets there it's a little more than he was expecting.-Bob was not old enough for this. In fact he doubted he ever would be old enough for this. Surely the universe allowed you a one time get out of jail card for these kind of situations. Staring at the mess of equipment and parts on the floor Bob tried his best to keep a straight face but was failing. To be fair though it’s hard to keep a straight face when the thing your son wants you to help build is a goddamn sex swing.





	When is a Hammock Not a Hammock?

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to my cousin who had the balls to actually try and pull this stunt on her dad.

When Jack first rang Bob asking for help with some DIY he was more than happy to help. Thrilled even. Dug out his favourite work clothes, made the journey to Jack’s, and knocked with a smile on his face. Standing on the doorway of Jack’s bedroom however that smile was gone. In fact even his mind, at the current moment, was climbing out of the window and trying to make a break for Canada. If he started now he could probably get there in about five days. Bob was not old enough for this. In fact he doubted he ever would be old enough for this. Surely the universe allowed you a one time get out of jail card for these kind of situations. Staring at the mess of equipment and parts on the floor Bob tried his best to keep a straight face but was failing. To be fair though it’s hard to keep a straight face when the thing your son wants you to help build is a goddamn sex swing.

The thing is Bob isn’t exactly sure what the hell he is going to do next. He theorizes he has two options: 1) tell Jack he isn’t sure how to put together his new ‘hammock’, has never actually installed something to hang a hammock, and never speak of it again or 2) help Jack and never speak of it again. Both end the exact same way but he has no idea how he’s going to get there. Problem with the first one being Jack knows he can install a hammock. A real hammock not Jack’s kind of hammock. He installed it in the den a few years ago. He couldn’t lie his way out. Clenching his fist Bob realised it would be impossible to back out, not after coming all the way to Jack’s. Plus Jack had rung him instead of a handyman so obviously Jack had wanted another excuse to see him. _Guess I’m putting up a sex swing_ , he sighed to himself. Well at least the support for one, there was no way he was going to put up the whole thing. Making his way over to the mess of pieces Jack had laid out he looked up at the ceiling to see what he was working with.

“Have you found the mounting point yet?”

“Oh erm yes,” Jack replied. To Bob it seemed like some of the tension had eased out of his shoulders. Probably thinking he’s gotten away with asking his Papa to help put up a sex swing. Well if that’s how he wanted to play it Bob could play too. “The centre of the joist is just there, I marked it out just like you said.”

“Okay, good.” Walking to the spot Jack pointed at Bob could see the little pencil marking Jack had made on the ceiling. Good, least they didn’t need to look around for that at least. “Now are we going for a single or dual hook support for this… hammock?”

“We were thinking perhaps dual? Especially if I have to use it for my… stretches and stuff, eh? Bits is gonna help me with a few, just to test it out.”

_And stuff_ , this boy was going to kill him. Nodding Bob looked back up the ceiling trying to work out how far apart the hooks would need to be. Reasonably 36 inches would be about right but Jack and Bitty weren’t exactly small. He had to make it wider so it would be more comfortable for them. God, the last thing he wanted to do was think about how his son’s and his boyfriend’s hips. Especially like that. Alicia was going to laugh at him so much later. Shaking his head he turned to Jack. “Pass me the tape measure and a pencil, Son.”

It didn’t take him long to measure out the new mounting points, a good 42 inches apart for good measure. Jack had remained silent the entire time, even when he passed the pencil and tape measure over. Awkwardly standing a little behind Bob in case he needed to run and get something. At least Bob wasn’t the only one feeling awkward by all this. Finding the tie down anchors and screws Jack had purchased Bob took to work installing them into the joist.

“So you said this was a hammock?” Bob asked nonchalantly as he fitted a lag bolt.

“Wha- Oh yes, hammock. Yes. Well a support to help with some stretches and muscle training,” Jack rambled. “I saw it recommended and it will help build up my core and-”

“Oh,” he replied, trying to suppress a smirk. “You’ll have to let me know where you got yours. Maybe I’ll get one.”

“No! No, no of course not. I’ll have a look later.”

Chuckling Bob went back to putting the tie anchors into the joist, making sure they were supported enough before jumping down. That was all he was going to do. The hoist itself Jack could do. There was no way he was going to be able to play dumb for that long. This was a quick job anyway. Just a few supporting anchors with some lags and it was good to go. No need to hang around any longer knowing his son had a sex swing to put up.

“Right, that’s it. All done.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” Packing away his toolkit Bob stood up, stretching. “Now when you put up your hammock make sure you feed it through properly.”

“Aha yeah, will do, Papa.” Rubbing the back of his neck Jack followed Bob back through the apartment. “Did you still want to get dinner later?”

“Yes, we can go to that nice place we went last time.” Opening the front door Bob reached over to grab his coat. “I’ll go back and change and you can ring me when you’re ready.”

Nodding Jack smiled softly. It was nice to see him like this, so relaxed and happy. Even if the only reason he was here was because of something else. Well worth the trip.

“See you later, Son.” Bob smiled, beginning to make his way down the corridor before it hit him. If he didn’t say anything now he could never bring this up again. Could never bring it up at Christmas to make Jack turn bright red. That was not okay. He has to embarrass Jack about this. It was his right as a dad! Turning around to look at Jack in his doorway Bob did his best to keep a straight face. “Oh and Jack?”

“Yes, Papa?”

“Be careful when you put up the sex swing. You don’t want to tangle the lines.”

“I- We- It’s-” Jack spluttered, turning brighter than the time Bob had caught him kissing his Muppets Treasure Island poster when he was a kid. It was worth every second of awkwardness he had just endured.

Bob made his way out of Jack’s building and to his car before he finally burst out laughing, gripping the steering wheel to steady himself. Jack was never going to live this down. Not ever. Wiping his eyes Bob reached into his pocket for his phone and quickly rang the first number that came to mind.

“Alicia,” he laughed when she finally picked up. “You’ll never guess what happened.”

**Author's Note:**

> So in future, kids, never ring your parents to help you put up sex equipment. It will only lead to embarrassment and probably be made into a fic idea on the internet. 
> 
> Also when is a hammock not a hammock? When it's a sex swing! *ba dum tsk*


End file.
